


Casualty of the Chase

by JinxedAmbitions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Body Horror, M/M, Mates, Violence, Werewolf Castiel, Werewolf Dean, brief medication abuse, self medication
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1690856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chases were outlawed by packs over a century ago, but Dean catches a roving pack hunting down a young man on the night of the full moon. He rescues the man even though the odds of him surviving his first transformation after being mauled by a pack are very small. Can Castiel survive the transformation? More importantly, can he and Dean learn to trust one another before it's too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my tumblr account, but the chapters have started getting a bit long, so for easier reading I'm posting it here now as well.

The overwhelming scent of human blood penetrated the crisp night air as Dean ran through the forest. He hadn’t expected to find anyone out here on the night of the full moon, but roving packs were not unheard of. Dean changed his direction and slipped into his wolf form mid stride. He set off for the stench of blood at a breakneck pace.

The scent of the blood was intoxicating, especially in this form, and it was laced with terror which just fed the itch for the chase. Dean had incredible control over his instincts, but he had no doubt that any wolf down wind of the human was making a beeline to join the chase.

Chases were forbidden, but roving packs often still bought into the ancient tradition of releasing prisoners on the night of the full moon to be chased down and eaten or worse by the pack. In modern times, these packs kidnapped homeless people, drifters, and adolescents that couldn’t defend themselves. When the body was inevitably found much later, the roving pack was long gone, leaving the resident packs to face the fear and retaliation of the people.

Dean picked up his pace, praying he’d get there in time to at least give the human a quick end. There was really no pleasant outcome. If the human did survive by some miracle, they would either shift or die at the next moon. If they didn’t survive, it would be a painful death. 

Dean burst into the small clearing in a blur of sable fur and snarling jaws. The pack of six wolves stopped their assault of the bloody human. They looked up at Dean in shock for he was large even for an alpha wolf, and his coloring was unique enough that they would know exactly who he was.

The human tried to run, but he was practically torn apart. He would have been lucky if he actually got to his feet. Instead, Dean trotted right into the fray of smaller wolves. They growled at him as he stood over the body of the man. They were all crazed with the scent of fresh prey, but even so, they were reluctant to try to square off against Dean. All wolves knew the legends of his strength and ruthless attitude against weres who harmed humans.

Yet, the intoxicating nature of human blood had them charging him as one. Dean threw two of the smaller wolves before closing his jaws around the neck of a third, easily snapping it with his strong jaw. He nearly took the leg off another that tried to get a swipe at the body beneath Dean that had coiled in on himself. Several of the wolves bit at Dean’s haunches and one at his tail, but as soon as he turned to them with bloodied teeth bared, they back away. 

They began to slink off, but their leader decided to take one last shot at Dean, and he was swiftly met with Dean’s powerful jaws wrapping around his neck. Dean tossed the wolf back at his pack and let out a deep snarl that had the rest scattering.

When he was alone with the young man, he howled for Sam and Benny who’d been running with him that night. When he heard their answering calls, he turned to the man who tried to drag his broken body away from him. Dean stepped forward and licked the trembling man’s face clean.

The man whimpered and tried to escape one last time, but it was to no avail. Dean shifted back to his human form in hopes that it would frighten the man less. “I won’t hurt you,” he said as he tried to assess the man’s injuries. It looked worse than it actually was. Other than the arm that was practically torn clean out of the socket and a broken leg, it was mostly shallow bites made to weaken him slowly and keep the chase going longer.

"Stay away, you monster," the man warned in a gravelly voice, but Dean continued to gently touch him to determine his injuries. 

"I'm trying to save your life, not end it. Please stop struggling. You'll only make these worse," he said as he pulled at the man’s tattered shirt to see a gash across his ribs.

Sam and Benny entered the clearing, clothed and carrying medical supplies. “This doesn’t look good,” Sam said as he scrutinized the injured man lying beneath Dean.

"Just give me the supplies and make sure no other weres come to finish the job," Dean ordered as he took the medical pack from Sam’s hands.

"Dean, you should probably end it. He’s a mess, and even if he wasn’t, he doesn’t look strong enough to survive the first shift. You’re just going to make him suffer more by saving him," Benny said calmly, trying not to upset Dean.

However, his words received a snarl from Dean, and the injured man started to fight. He punched Dean in the gut with his less injured arm, and he kicked out with the leg that wasn’t broken. Dean fell back onto his haunches with a huff as the dark haired man scrambled away.

Dean shifted without much thought, and took his perch above the injured man, snarling at his own pack members as he’d done to the other pack. While Dean was smaller than Sam in stature and Benny in build while human, neither could overpower his wolf. They both bowed their heads slightly to show acquiescence.

"Let’s just do as he said, Benny. The pack will decide when we get him there," Sam said as he shifted and took off to patrol the area. Benny did the same. 

Dean shifted back and quickly wrapped what wounds he could on the frightened man. “I’m Dean. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I won’t let anything hurt you,” he promised as he gently wrapped a bandage about the man’s ribs.

"Castiel," the man’s voice was barely audible as he slowly succumbed to the shock his body was in.

"Is that your name?" Dean asked and received only a small nod.  "Do you live near here?" he tried while he could still get an answer out of the man. The small shake of Castiel’s head could have been mistaken for the tremors wracking his body, but Dean took it as an answer.

"Don’t fight the sleep. It’ll help you heal. I’ll take you somewhere safe," Dean said soothingly as he ran his fingers through Castiel’s bloody hair. Castiel lifted his arm to try to grasp at the clothes Dean wasn’t wearing, but he feebly grabbed at air instead. Dean took his hand in his own pulled it around his neck before he lifted Castiel into his strong arms. "I promise, I’ll keep you safe," he said as Castiel’s head lolled back against Dean’s bicep.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Dean carried Castiel back to the farm that the pack lived on. It was a long walk in human form, but Dean didn’t mind so long as nothing bothered them. It gave him time to think about his course of action. Obviously, Castiel had been bitten. Benny was right that he probably should have ended the man’s life quickly, painlessly. He still could. He could still save Castiel from the pain of healing, the agony of first transformation, and the burden of living as a were.

However, Dean didn’t have it in him. Something about the man was different. He had a fire in him that others he’d tried to save did not. He wanted to live, and he was willing to fight for it. Dean couldn’t take that away from him, especially after promising to keep him safe.

Dean growled in frustration as he adjusted Castiel in his arms to better support the injured man. Sam joined him as he neared the farm. He looked tired instead of invigorated the way he should be on a full moon.

"You think I should have killed him too," Dean guessed tiredly as he looked down at the man in his arms. He looked peaceful and even handsome when pain wasn’t marring his features. 

"I think that we haven’t seen a human successfully transition in eight years. Even then, she only barely survived and her transitions are still painful," Sam said as he walked beside his brother. He offered to carry the man, but Dean shook his head and brought Castiel’s head closer to his chest.

"He’s strong. He’ll survive," Dean said with a sureness he hadn't realized he felt. He didn’t know Castiel at all, other than his scent which smelled like warm earth after a spring rain, but he knew deep down that he would survive transition.

"Dean, maybe he will, but if this wasn’t the life you were born into, would it be the one you chose? Sometimes the kindest thing to do is end it," Sam’s voice was sad. He’d lost a lover to her first transition, and he still mourned from it. He understood as well as anyone the cost of this curse, but Sam had also found a mate in a were named Madison. Dean couldn’t understand Sam’s aversion to this life when he’d found love and a family in it.

"I’d choose to live, Sam. Monster or not, I’d choose life," Dean said gruffly as he picked up his pace when the farm came into view. The cluster of houses were dark, because most of the pack was running under the moon that night, so he headed straight for the cottage he lived in alone. Sam didn’t try to follow him. He said he’d go speak with Ellen about what happened in the forest.

Dean carried Castiel into his cottage which was only two rooms. There was a living area which served as the living room, bedroom, and kitchen, and there was the bathroom. Dean placed Castiel down on the king sized mattress that sat on the floor. It was covered in pillows and furs, but Dean pushed them away so he could tend Castiel’s wounds.

He washed Castiel’s wounds. He set his leg and his shoulder, then he stitched the many gashes covering Castiel’s body. He spoke softly as he worked, words of encouragement and soothing. He’d never had a particularly nurturing bedside manner, but tonight it came easily to him.

He was just placing the last stitch in a laceration on Castiel’s back when Bobby and Ellen walked in. “Are you out of your damn mind, boy?” Bobby asked as he took a good look at the injured, naked man lying in Dean’s bed.

"I saved him, Bobby. That’s what we do when other packs go after humans. Why is everyone against this?" Dean growled as he stepped in front of the prone man.

"Dean, what you did was honorable, but…"

"Don’t patronize me, Ellen. I’m not fourteen trying to rescue an injured bird. I’m trying to save a man who has a right to live," he shouted as he felt the pull to shift, but he held back.

"I’m not saying he doesn’t, but he’s a human.  _ _If__  he does wake up, he could out us all. He could bring down our entire pack. Who’s to say he doesn’t think our pack is the one that attacked him,” Ellen argued back with equal heat.

"You’re no better than the rovers running the chases. You break them up just to kill these people. How is that any better—"

"We aren’t sadistic about it, ya idjit! We don’t take pleasure in what we do, but it needs doin'. Turned humans are a damn liability. It’s dangerous enough turning loved ones, but to let a complete stranger join the pack is begging for trouble," Bobby shouted and stepped toward Dean and Castiel.

Dean shifted without any control over it, and the dauntingly large, sable wolf stood protectively in front of the unconscious human. He bared his teeth and growled at the couple who had practically raised him. 

"Bobby, am I imagining it, or is he acting like he’s protecting his mate?" Ellen asked softly as the two of them backed away from Dean.

"Balls. He would go and get attached to a damn human steak," Bobby grumbled as he opened the door to the house without turning his back to the snarling wolf in the room.

"Give it till morning. Dean’s not a dumb boy. He’ll be thinking clearer when the moon isn’t affecting him," Ellen assured her husband as they slipped out the door.

Dean didn’t shift back. Instead he climbing into the bedding with Castiel and curled his massive form around the man. He licked at the patches of unharmed skin which he hadn’t washed, and he nuzzled at Castiel’s neck where he could get a stronger scent.

Castiel whimpered softly in his sleep and reached out for anything. He ended up burying his fingers in the thick fur on Dean’s belly. His distressed movements slowly ceased, and he fell back into a deep sleep.

Dean watched over him until dawn. Then he put his head down beside Castiel’s and let sleep take him as well.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean knew that if Castiel were to survive, he would need to heal fully from the chase. Being a were would increase his ability to heal, but broken limbs still didn’t mend easily, especially before one’s first transformation. So, Dean gently spoon fed Castiel special tea to keep him unconscious while he mended. Dean hoped it would be enough to save Cas from his own body’s weakness.

Bobby and Ellen returned the morning after to find Dean’s wolf curled around Castiel’s body like a blanket, and Castiel’s hands clinging to the fur. As soon as the door opened, Dean’s head rose from the soft bedding, and he pulled his gums back in a snarl.

"What was that about him thinkin’ more clearly when the sun came up?" Bobby asked snidely as they backed right up.

"He’s one of our strongest and smartest wolves, Bobby. Maybe he know’s something about this guy that we don’t," Ellen tried to reason as she watched Dean pull one of the furs over Castiel’s shoulders with his teeth.

"Yeah, he knows he wants to get into his pants," Bobby grumbled and left. Ellen sighed and edged closer.

"I mean him no harm, Dean. You’ve got to talk to me though," Ellen said as she ran her hands through the thick fur on Dean’s back. Dean whined as he licked at Castiel’s face. "I know, boy. Bobby, will get over it. Let’s just get your young man healthy, okay," she said as she stood up.

She brought him the tea, bandages, and medicines while he stayed with Castiel. Dean rarely left his cottage in the days following.  It was on the eighth morning that Dean woke to a deep groan that didn’t come from him. He felt the fingers that were wrapped around his fur tighten then suddenly push him away.

"What the hell?" a deep voice made Dean’s eyes snap open. Castiel was awake and scrambling away from him as fast as he could with only one good arm and one good leg. 

Dean didn’t transform right away. He tried to follow Castiel before he could fall off the bed, though it wasn’t more than an 8 inch drop. However, Castiel’s eyes became more frantic as Dean followed him with his nose to the ground. Dean made a frustrated huff before transitioning in front of Castiel’s eyes.

"What the hell? Get back," Castiel shouted as he used his stronger leg to kick Dean right in the face.

Dean stumbled back as his nose smarted. “You ungrateful…” Dean growled as he got to his feet and towered over Cas. He stopped, however, when Castiel fell off the mattress in an awkward scramble to escape. Castiel fought back tears as he pushed himself to his feet, injured leg be damned. When he started to hobble toward the door, Dean stepped in.

"You can’t go out there," he said as he jumped off the mattress to stand in front of Cas. Castiel halted in his tracks and started to back peddle, but his injured leg caused him to trip. Dean reached out and pulled him close before Cas could further injure himself.

"Don’t touch me," Cas growled, but he wasn’t strong enough to push Dean away.

"I’m trying to stop you from hurting yourself. If you would calm down, I’d let you be," Dean explained through gritted teeth as Cas jabbed him in the ribs repeatedly. He also tried to sweep Dean’s legs out from under him, but Dean wasn’t budging.

"Calm down? Are you out of your fucking mind? I’ve been kidnapped and hunted, and now I’m being held prisoner. I have every goddamn right to be upset," Cas shouted even though they were only inches apart. 

"You aren’t a prisoner. I rescued you—"

"Then why can’t I leave?" Castiel asked as he pressed his hands against Dean’s bare chest and tried to push him away with only marginal success.

"First of all, you have a healing leg you shouldn’t be walking on. Secondly, you are naked, and while that sort of thing is normal around here some of the time, I don’t think you want to go for a walk in the woods in just your birthday suit," Dean said as he loosened his arms around Castiel’s waist just a little.

"I’d rather brave the woods naked than trust you. What are you even?" Castiel argued, but his voice held more defeat than fire.

"I’m a werewolf. Name’s Dean in case you don’t remember. Trust me, I’m not the worst thing in those woods. The guys who hurt you could still be around," Dean tried to speak calmly, but it was increasingly difficult as Castiel squirmed in his arms.

"I need a drink," Cas groaned as he finally reached for the bed. Dean helped him sit, then immediately started fussing over torn stitches on the deepest bite which had yet to heal fully. "If you really don’t mean me any harm. Please, don’t touch me."

Dean stopped what he was doing as looked up at Castiel questioningly. “But you’re hurt. I need to make sure…”

"I don’t know you from Adam. I wake up naked next to a goddamn werewolf after practically being mauled to death, and you think I’m just going to accept it?" 

"If you want to live you’ll let me help you. Every second longer it takes you to heal makes it less likely that you’ll survive your transition," Dean growled though he did not try to touch Castiel again. He even got up and pulled some of his old clothes out for Castiel to wear.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You were bitten," Dean said as he motioned to the clear bite mark on Castiel’s thigh. "It takes a month and a successful transformation, but if you survive, you will be a werewolf as well. Already, you are healing faster than a human would. Your leg was broken by that bite just a week ago."

Castiel squinted and cocked his head at Dean. He didn’t say anything for several moments, and it made Dean uncomfortable.

"This is probably all really unbelievable to you, but you’ve seen me shift. It’s real. I can explain everything to you…"

"I would like to go home now," Cas interrupted as he lifted his good arm to rub his eyes.

"I can’t let you leave without telling you what you are and getting a promise that you won’t tell anyone about us."

"So, I  __ am _ _  a prisoner. Who the hell would I tell anyway? You think that I’d get out of here just to want to spend the rest of my days in a mental hospital?” Cas gritted his teeth as he pulled the offered clothes on. Dean was impressed with how much he’d healed. Maybe he really could survive.

"Just hear me out," Dean said as he took a seat on the couch that was placed against the far wall. Castiel laid back on the bed and motioned for Dean to start talking. 

Castiel didn’t take what Dean had to say very well. Halfway through Dean’s explanation of werewolf culture, Castiel awkwardly pushed himself to his feet. “I need some air,” he said as he limped to the door.

"I’ll show you around if you’d like," Dean offered as he too got to his feet.

"I’d rather not be anywhere near you if it’s all the same," Cas shot back as he pulled the door open. As soon as he did, he was met with the sight of six monstrous wolves running and biting each other in the middle of the farmyard. He nearly fell over when Dean’s wet nose pressed into his lower back. Dean gave him a soft nudge then came up beside his injured leg like a crutch.

"Can you take me somewhere quiet? I just need to think right now," Castiel asked as he looked down at the large wolf beside him. Dean looked up at him and gave him a very human nod before leading Cas slowly away from the farm. Others in the pack stopped to watch the pair, but none approached as Dean gave them a warning look.

Their progress was slow, and Castiel actually had to lean on Dean after a short while, but they eventually got to a small stream that ran behind the farm. Dean motioned to the flat rocks on the bank, and Castiel gingerly took a seat. 

Castiel sat silently watching the water drift by. He barely seemed to notice that Dean had shifted until he heard his voice behind him. “I can leave you to think. I’ll be in the woods nearby, so just shout if you need anything or are ready to go back,” he said gruffly, then shifted back before loping off into the foliage.

He didn’t actually go anywhere, but he hid in the dense brush across the river. He watched Castiel sit for over an hour just watching the tadpoles swim beneath the surface of the water. Eventually, his gaze turned to his own hands which hung between his legs. He looked at them as though he didn’t recognize them then let out a deep sigh.

As the sun took on the glow of late afternoon, Castiel called out. “I’ll hear you out, but when you’re done, I want to go home,” he shouted. Dean waited almost a minute before rising and bounding out of the brush and over the creek. 

"I had a life before. I had a job. I might not have had a family, but I had a cat, and I volunteered at a homeless shelter on the weekends. I want to go back," Castiel said softly as Dean sat beside him.

"It’s going to be different now. For one, chances are you cat won’t like you anymore, and you may not survive the transition," Dean replied as he brought his knees up and rested his arms on them.

"My cat already hates me. He’s probably eaten his entire bag of dry food by now and shredded the drapes. I’d kill for a couple more weeks of that," Cas said with another deep sigh. "I didn’t ask for this."

He sounded so low that Dean wanted to hug him. Even if Dean wasn’t one for emotional displays, Castiel looked like he needed a friend. Dean just wished it could be him, but he knew anything he tried to do would be unwelcome. Instead, he told Cas the truth about what he’d become.

 


	4. Chapter 4

They talked until sundown about what it meant to be turned. Dean explained the hierarchy of the pack, and how Cas would fit in if he chose to join them. Castiel listened quietly, but every once in a while he stopped Dean to think about with his life had so suddenly become. Dean was patient with him in a way he’d never been with others.

"I’ll talk to Bobby and Ellen while you rest, and in the morning I can take you back to your apartment," Dean explained as he pushed into his little cottage.

"What will happen if I don’t transition?" Castiel finally asked what Dean had chosen to skip over. Dean paused where he had started to make some soup on the stove, and he looked straight at Castiel with deep sadness in his eyes.

"You’ll bleed out. Your body will try to transform, and if you’re too weak, it will only succeed marginally. Your bones break but can’t reform. Imagine falling twenty stories, only the impact isn’t sudden. You’ll experience every break. My brother watched his fiancee die in that way, and just about anyone in the pack has lost a loved one they’d thought was strong enough," Dean said before looking away and pouring two cans of soup into the pot.

"Why me? Why do you think I’ll survive?"

"You survived a chase. You’re stubborn. I don’t know how I know, but I’ve never been so sure as I am about you. Now, if you want, you can grab a bath while I finish dinner. There’s a tub if your leg's in pain. Just shout if you need help getting out," Dean offered as he pointed to the only door that didn’t lead to a closet.

***

Dean put his boots on once Castiel was soundly asleep. He headed up to the main house where most of the pack spent their evenings, and Bobby met him with a terse nod.

"This is a bad idea," Bobby said even before Dean could speak. 

"I’m going to bring him home tomorrow, Bobby," Dean said, and he could practically see his surrogate father’s blood pressure rise.

"You what? Are you out of your mind? First you save an outsider, and now you wanna let ‘im go? Do you wanna kill us all, ya idjit, or are you just thinkin’ with your damn dick?" Bobby asked him incredulously.

"He wants to go home. He has a life—"

"Well, boohoo. I didn’t ask to get bitten by the wolf that killed my wife, but I didn’t get a reset button. None of us asked for this, Dean. The ones that did are all dead."

"He’s—"

"No, Dean. He’s not. You just aren’t thinkin’ clear. I can’t let you bring him home. He’s your responsibility. You watch him, but he can’t go back. That’s final," Bobby ordered then walked back into the main house, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.

***

To say Cas was upset was an understatement. Any goodwill that had developed between them was sucked away as soon as Dean told an excited Cas that he couldn’t go home. 

"You said I wasn’t a prisoner," Cas pointed out as he refused the cup of coffee that Dean offered him.

"You aren’t. You can go anywhere on the farm or even around the woods…"

"But I can’t go home, so what good does it do me?" Castiel asked. His voice was low and calm, and Dean didn’t like how cold it sounded when just yesterday Cas was full of fire.

"We’re a pack, Cas. You don’t understand it yet, but we’re a family. We take care of each other," Dean tried to explained, but Castiel just shook his head.

"I already have a family that tried to dictate how I lived me life. I don’t speak to them anymore as I’d rather not speak to you ever again," Cas replied, and the ice in his words seemed to chill the whole room. 

"Cas, I want to bring you home, give you closure, but they’re my pack, and I can’t betray them," Dean said as he pleaded with Cas to understand.

"I understand, Dean. What I want never mattered, because the moment I met you I was lost. You don’t need to bend to me at all because as soon as I transform, I’ll need your pack. Maybe you should’ve let me die, Dean. At least then it would have ended with some dignity," Cas said as he pushed away from the small table.

"Don’t say that, Cas. I tried to do what was right," Dean said as Cas’ words knocked the breath out of him.

"Only until your pack said stop. Then you rolled over like you’re trained to," Cas said as he walked out the door. He was barely limping today, and Dean didn’t even have that as an excuse to follow him. So, he let Cas go, knowing he wouldn’t get far if he had any intentions of running away.

***

The pack wasn’t accepting of Cas as he tried to get a feel for the large farm. Dean watched him from the square formed by the surrounding houses where he ate lunch with Benny. “They’re being awful,” Dean growled as one of the small wolves nipped at Cas’ ankles then ran away as he turned around. He could read the anger in Cas’ body language from across the square. “They wouldn’t do that if he was my mate who I’d turned.”

"You’re awfully protective of the man for only knowing him a matter of days, brother. Maybe they’re jealous that Dean Winchester challenged Bobby and Ellen over a man who was rightfully wolf food," Benny drawled as he sliced an apple with his pocket knife and slowly ate the pieces while he watched Cas.

"You think I’ve lost it too," Dean sighed, then cringed when one of the pack mothers completely gave Cas the cold shoulder. "He won’t even accept my help."

"You haven’t lost anything, Dean. None of us want to be the monsters we’re told we are, but not all of us are brave enough to be more than that. You are, and not everyone will accept that or even understand it," Benny said as he watched Dean tense as Cas gave up and started walking back toward the cottage.

"I think I fucked up."

"So fix it, brother. If it's hard for us to come to terms with what we are, then what must it be like for him? You go figure out how to make things right with Castiel, and I’ll see that the pack is properly welcoming," Benny assured him as he patted Dean on the back. 

Dean looked at his long time friend with gratitude, and Benny gave him a kind smile. “Thanks, Benny,” Dean said, and Benny just tipped the brim of his hat down in acknowledgment. Dean stood up and followed Castiel back to their house.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean entered the cottage to find Cas had locked himself in the bathroom. He could hear the water for the tub running. Dean walked over to the door and tapped on it. “If you’re planning to drown yourself, it won’t work. Instinct is too strong,” he called through the heavy door.

"Go chase your tail," Cas called back, and Dean snorted. At least, Cas was still feisty. He walked over to the kitchen area and pulled a venison steak out of the fridge. He took his time preparing it, then started to slow roast it. Cas didn’t come out of the bathroom for well over an hour.

"You just won’t leave me in peace, will you?" Cas asked when he finally emerged, wearing more of Dean’s clothing.

"Nope, but I cook. Most people overlook my more glaring faults, because I’m cute and I’m good in the kitchen…if you know what I mean," Dean said with a saucy smile as he put some potatoes on to boil.

"Wolves, not people," Cas said as he sat on the bed and ignored Dean’s flirtation.

"Werewolves are people, and I’ve date humans before."

"So, everyone can live a normal life but me?" Cas asked as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

"Stop. Now, you’re just whining. You know who whines, Cas? Babies. Prove that you want to be part of the pack, that you aren’t going to run to the authorities the first chance you get. Prove yourself, and stop sitting here like you’re the only guy who ever got dealt a shit hand," Dean argued as he threw down a pot holder with a little more force than necessary.

Cas looked at him like an offended bird with its feathers all ruffled. He didn’t say anything as he tugged at Dean’s loaner clothing. “They don’t want me here,” he said softly after several minutes.

"They also didn’t want indoor plumbing until I insisted on it. They are just as afraid of change as you are, but they’ll get over it," Dean assured him as he leaned against the counter. "I want you here, and maybe you don’t want anything I’ve got to give, but that doesn’t change that you’re welcome in this house…and Benny’s place by proxy."

Cas’ shoulders slumped, and he slowly made his way over to Dean and offered to help cook. They worked in silence, but slowly the tension started to bleed from the room. It wasn’t friendly, but it was a start.

That night, Dean took his position on the couch and waited for sleep to take him. Just as consciousness was receding, he heard Cas begin to thrash. He shifted and padded over to the bed where Cas lie clutching the sheets. He licked the sweat from Cas’ brow, and he nuzzled Cas’ neck. Dean whimpered softly as he nudged Cas gently to try to wake him up.

Cas didn’t wake, but his hands rose to cover and protect his face. He cried out and hit out at Dean. Dean let out a low airy bark as he didn’t know what else to do. Cas tried to move away from him, so he stood over Cas, and started to lick his face in earnest. This calmed his thrashing, and after a few moments Cas’ hands found their way into Dean’s fur and clung to him.

Castiel slowly woke when Dean moved down to lap away the sweat on his neck. “What are you doing?” he asked groggily as he pushed Dean’s muzzle away gently. “I’m covered in your slobber,” he noted as he wiped at his cheek.

Dean rolled off of Cas and transformed, so he was lying beside him. “What did you dream about?” Dean asked immediately.

"I do not believe that is any of your business," Cas replied as he tried to roll so his back faced Dean, but Dean stopped him.

"Whether you like it or not, you’re part of my pack. When you’re in distress, I feel it, and my instinct is to fix it," Dean said as he grabbed one of Cas’ still trembling hands.

Dean could tell Castiel wanted to argue, but instead he sighed deeply as though he’d made a particularly unpleasant decision. “I dream about the chase. It’s always so vivid. They kidnapped me from the parking lot at the shelter, and they kept me in the dark for days and days. Then suddenly, I was ripped out of that dark room and abandoned in the woods. I heard the howls almost immediately, and I ran. But, I was hungry, and tired, and weak.”

Dean pulled Cas closer to him as he spoke, and Cas didn’t even seem to notice that he was clutching Dean’s forearm.  ”When I dream, I can feel the first wolf’s teeth sink into my thigh. It’s blinding pain, and I can feel my leg breaking all over again. I feel every tear they made in my flesh, and I try to scramble away, but there’s nowhere to go, only forest. But, then I always feel something soft, something that feels familiar and safe, and slowly everything else recedes,” Cas admitted softly as he looked away from Dean even though he still clung to him.

"I wish I could stop the nightmares," Dean said earnestly.

"I think you do," Cas said as he turned back to look at Dean. "I fight it, and I’ll probably continue to fight it, but some part of me trusts you, feels safe with you." 

"Well, I saved you, so there’s that," Dean brushed it off, but Cas gave him an exasperated look.

"Yes, but you haven’t stopped looking after me since. I know they all wanted to kill me, and you haven’t let them. I was harsh on you the other day. You have been putting me before your pack," Cas said as he stared into Dean’s eyes.

"I don’t do chick flick moments, and this is getting uncomfortably close to one," Dean tried to lighten the mood, because maybe he had been putting Cas a little bit ahead of his pack, but that wasn’t something that got said out loud without wedding bells chiming.

"Sorry."

"Don’t apologize. I’m just bad at this stuff. You should try to sleep again. Your body needs as much rest as it can get," Dean said as he started to push himself up, so he could return to the couch.

Cas’ hand clutched Dean’s arm again, before he could get up. “If it isn’t too much to ask, I think I’d sleep better if you stay. I know you laid with me throughout my recovery,” Cas said as he tugged the covers back, so Dean could actually climb in with him.

Dean smiled and leaned down to the foot of the bed to grab a pair of sweat pants off his pile of clothes. Then, he quickly burrowed in next to Cas. He lifted and arm and pulled Cas to his chest. Castiel went willingly and rested his arm over Dean’s belly. “I want to be a part of your pack, Dean. I don’t want these to be my last few weeks alive. I want to live,” Cas mumbled.

Dean ran his fingers through Cas’ hair soothingly. “You’re gonna live, Cas. I have faith,” Dean reassured him. 


	6. Chapter 6

Dean woke with Cas still in his arms and an amused Benny cooking eggs in his kitchen. “Don’t you have anything better to do, or are you trying to win my affections with food?” Dean asked tiredly as he ran his fingers through Cas’ messy dark hair.

"I doubt it would work from the looks of it," Benny laughed as he transferred the eggs to multiple plates. "I figured I’d come see how the lovebirds were doing. You know your brother’s mate is already planning the reception for you?"

"Why would Madison be planning a—"

Castiel shifted slightly then started to growl softly in his sleep. Benny raised an eyebrow at Dean. “Why indeed, brother. How long has he been growling at intruders?”

Dean shrugged as the sound got louder. “He’s going to be a fearsome wolf,” Benny remarked as he handed a plate to Dean. Then he slapped Cas’ rump, causing him to wake with a yelp. Before Cas could say anything cutting, Benny pushed a plate into his hands.

"Is it poisoned?" Cas asked as he eyed the eggs suspiciously.  

"Only if you’re allergic to kind gestures, dumplin’," Benny laughed at the unimpressed face Cas made. Castiel took a bite when Dean finished his own food and tried to snatch a bite of his.

After breakfast, Dean took Cas down to the river again. It was a beautiful day, and Cas seemed to enjoy the forest. Benny joined them after lunch. His hulking wolf form took pleasure in splashing in the water near Cas then darting away when he got mad. Dean laughed at Benny’s antics and received a splash from Cas. “Hey, I didn’t do anything,” he protested.

"You encouraged him," Cas said smugly. Dean was pretty sure Cas regretted that tone when Dean picked him up easily and jumped into the frigid water with him. Cas cursed loudly as they surfaced together, and he punched Dean in the chest as Dean held him close. "You’re an ass," Cas grumbled as Dean laughed at how he looked like a drowned rat.

Castiel opened his mouth, probably to make another scathing remark, but Dean cut him off with a quick kiss. It wasn’t deep or full of finesse, just a quick brush of lips. He wasn’t really sure what came over him, but Cas was in his arms looking kissable. Cas didn’t punch him again, so Dean counted that as a win.

"What was that for?" Cas asked as he shivered, likely from the frigid temperature of the river, but Dean let himself pretend it was from the kiss.

"Felt like it," Dean mumbled as he pulled Cas out of the river and helped him up onto the rocky bank. Cas was remarkably silent as Dean shifted, shook any water droplets off, then nearly tackled him to the ground.

"What are you doing…oh," Cas said as Dean tried to help him dry off with his thick fur. "You are very odd, Dean," Castiel remarked as Dean laid down on his chest. It wasn’t a particularly warm day, but Dean’s body heat kept Cas warm. Benny was suspiciously absent after their brief swim, and Dean knew Benny would be teasing him about the kiss later.

When the sun started to set, Cas gathered Dean’s clothes so they could head back, but Dean stole them back and sat on them. Cas sighed. Dean knew he felt like an idiot talking to a wolf, but Dean could understand him when he wasn’t being driven by instinct.

Still, Dean shifted back slowly and dressed himself. “I thought maybe you’d like to see the stars,” Dean said uncertainly. Castiel looked unconvinced. “It’s not as lame as it sounds. It’s this place Bobby used to bring me after my mother died, and my father went off after her killers,” Dean explained. It was somewhere he felt safe when his would was crumbling around him, and he wanted to share it with Cas. He just couldn’t say that out loud.

"I think I would enjoy that," Cas said a little uncertain himself. Dean smiled widely and walked up to Cas and started guiding him through the forest.

"I love the woods at night, man. It’s so peaceful. I mean, nothing has the balls to fuck with a werewolf, other than other weres, but it’s rare to get any on our territory. The pack that grabbed you was an exception, but I’m glad they were, because I could save you," Dean rambled. He knew he was doing it, because he was nervous. He’d only ever showed this place to Sam and Benny, and Benny only because he’d tracked Dean there after he’d had a meltdown about taking over for Bobby when the time came.

Dean got quiet as they climbed the rock scrambles to the bluff. It was much easier in wolf form, but he remained human, so he could help Cas up steep shifts in the rock. When they got to the top, Dean pushed through the underbrush to the small lookout and made a sweeping motion. “And all this, Simba, will one day be yours,” he joked as Cas looked out at the dark forest below and the sky above. It was a new moon so only the stars glowed in the sky. Cas gave Dean a strange look for his reference, but he was quickly distracted by the view. 

"Do you come up here often?" Cas asked as he gazed up at the dotted sky.

"Not as much as I’d like. It’s sorta where I come when things go to shit. I figured that with everything you’ve been through, maybe it could help you too," Dean said as he rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Thank you, Dean," Castiel replied as he stepped forward and took a seat. He didn’t say anything else while he leaned back and looked up at the sky.

Dean sat next to him and after a while he pointed up at a cluster of stars. “The Big Dipper.”

"Yes, I used to stargaze as a child," Castiel said not unkindly. 

"Oh yeah? I bet you don’t know were constellations though," Dean said with a smile.

"You have your own constellations?" Cas asked, and Dean thought he actually sounded intrigued.

"Of course, man. That there," Dean pointed to a cluster of stars directly overhead, "is the Alpha Wolf. He watches over all, and no matter the time of night he’s keeping an eye on his pups. Over there is Belcour. He was cursed by an evil witch to always be chasing his tail but never to catch it. There’s a long myth about it, but that’s the important part. My favorite is the Mother Wolf. She isn’t out this time of night, but she watches over us like the alpha, but she comes out at the darkest night when we need her guidance to find our way home and remember our pack."

"So, all of the constellations are wolves?" Castiel asked with a smile.

"Of course, Humans got the stars all wrong, man. It’s all about wolves," Dean joked.

"I think I enjoy your mythology," Cas continued to smile. "I would like to hear more about the Mother Wolf. She sounds important to you," Cas said. Dean blushed, but he knew Cas couldn’t see, and he was grateful Cas couldn’t yet smell intense emotions.

"I guess I just always looked at it as my mom watching over me. Keeping me good," Dean said. Castiel moved closer to him at that as though to support him. Dean found himself explaining how his mother died in a territory dispute, protecting him and his brother. Castiel listened quietly, holding Dean’s hand gently. Dean could feel the sorrow pouring off of Cas, but for the first time, Dean wasn’t angered by someone’s sympathy.

Castiel fell asleep after hours of talking. Dean shifted when he felt Cas start to shiver, and he once again laid his furry head on Cas’ chest to keep him warm.

They woke as the sun broke over the horizon, and Dean immediately started to scent and bathe Cas’ face with his tongue. Cas groaned but didn’t push Dean away. They returned to the farm and were greeted by several of the pack who offered them breakfast and invited them to dinner.

"Why are they being so nice?" Cas asked softly.

"I said they’d come around. They just needed a kick in the ass, and Benny’s good at that," Dean said. He purposely left out the part where Cas was covered in Dean’s scent, so they were treating him like a claimed mate. Cas would find that out when he turned, but by then they’d already have welcomed him.

Castiel seemed to accept this, and took their sudden welcoming with grace. Even the pups seemed to have a new respect for Cas. He humored them by chasing them around the square. Dean joined the fun by nipping at Cas’ ankles then bounding away when Cas turned to catch him. Cas started to ignore the nibbles which emboldened Dean. He started to nibble a littler higher and not run away as fast. Finally, when Dean nipped just below his butt, Cas turned as fast as he could and grabbed Dean by the tail.

Dean let out a pitiful yelp as he tried to dart away but was stopped short by his tail being yanked. Dean turned to look at Cas and gave his best impression of puppy eyes, but Cas held fast. The others in the square laughed as Dean whined and futilely tried to escape Cas’ grasp. Eventually, Dean turned and licked Cas’ face. Cas let go and reached out to scratch Dean behind the ear. Dean panted happily and sat still, letting Cas spoil him.

The following days were equally pleasant. Cas opened up to Dean slowly but surely. He wasn’t as quick to warm to Benny, but he enjoyed Sam’s company when he and Madison insisted they eat at their cottage.

Dean couldn’t remember a time when he was happier. Castiel still woke up from nightmares, but they were becoming less frequent. More often, Dean would wake to Cas growling at air or scenting the sheets. Dean slept on the couch unless Cas woke up in a panic, but his cottage still felt more like a home now.

Cas would even initiate contact now. He’d rub Dean if he was in wolf form, or he’d stand in Dean’s personal space if he was human, sometimes trying to scent him without realizing it. Dean hadn’t expected Cas to fill a place in him that he thought would be empty forever, but Dean was happy that he did, and he hoped that Cas felt similarly about him.

It came as a shock when Dean woke only days before the full moon to an empty cottage. At first, Dean assumed Cas had gone to sit in the square like he did some mornings, so he took a shower and fixed them a quick breakfast before going out to find him. However, only Jo was out there. She hadn’t seen him and neither had anyone else. Cas wasn’t at the river or the bluff, and by the time Dean picked up his trail, he was in a panic. He followed Cas’ scent through the woods, but he was long gone. Dean lost the scent at the edge of the forest where it mingled with car exhaust and the stench of the city.

Dean howled as he felt like the air had been sucked from his lungs, and his stomached ached as though it had been pierced through. He howled until Benny and Sam broke through the tree line and dragged him back into the forest. They guided him all the way back to his cottage, and he yowled the entire way. He didn’t stop the pitiful calls for his mate until he lost his voice and fell asleep near sunset. Sam and Benny took turns staying with him to make sure he didn’t do anything they’d all regret.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel had planned his escape from the moment Dean showed trust in him. He hadn't thought it possible at first, but Dean's need to trust and accept Cas left a huge blind spot that Cas needed to exploit. It wasn't that Cas disliked Dean. In truth, Dean was the closest thing to a real friend Cas had ever had, but he had a life and responsibilities that couldn't be ignored just because he was going to sprout a fluffy tail, some fangs, and an awful case of bad breath (or he was assuming that's what would happen if Dean was anything to go by).

When Dean kissed him in the river, he'd felt hope for the first time since he learned what was to become of him. Yet, it was not the hope he wanted. It wasn't the promise of his cramped apartment or his grumpy cat. It felt like he belonged. Belonged in a freezing river clinging to a man who could turn into a beast at will. Belonged in a community he did not understand, and it terrified him more than the feeling of being lost and alone.

He'd studied the farm and its inhabitants for days, and when the opportunity finally arose, he ran. He didn't stop when his legs ached or his chest heaved. This was his only chance to go home, because if he stayed another day in Dean's gentle care, he wouldn't have the determination to leave. He didn't know where he was going. He trusted the instincts that Dean told him were getting stronger and stronger by the day.

When he came to the edge of the forest, where it met the interstate, he'd stood in the road hoping a car would stop for him. His clothes were big, because Dean was larger than him, though Cas seemed to fill out more as the full moon approached. The sweat pants were torn where he fell to his knees several times, and his feet were bloody within the ill fitting shoes. He hoped he looked injured enough to help, and not frightening enough to ignore.

A truck stopped when the driver saw him swaying on the asphalt. “Are you alright, man?” the man asked. He looked friendly enough with a well groomed beard, and the clothes of a laborer.

Castiel's voice broke on his answer, and the guy offered him a water bottle as he slid into the passenger seat. “Thank you. I was mugged and left for dead,” Castiel rasped after the cool drink of water.

The man wanted to drive him to the nearest hospital or police station, but Cas insisted that he just needed to go home. So, the guy dropped him off at his apartment building even though it was out of his way. Castiel insisted he could make it on his own once they got into the town, but the driver told him he refused to let an injured man with no money or ID wander around without help. So, Castiel made it home faster than he'd planned.

He passed his apartment, and knocked on the door next to his. He didn't have his keys, so he hoped that Meg still picked locks like a pro. He knocked and leaned against the door hoping she was home, because he really wanted a shower and his own bed.

“Get away from there you little beast. Don't you dare—”

As soon as the door opened, a ginger ball of fur and claws streaked out of the apartment and started climbing Cas' leg like a tree. Of course, the cat's claws dug into his raw knee before he could lift the creature into his arms.

“Well if it isn't the prodigal neighbor,” Meg said as she opened the door all the way and gave Cas a once over. The petite brunette hadn't changed at all since he last saw her a month ago. “I hope you're staying a while, because Satan and I aren't on speaking terms,” Meg said as the cat in Cas' arms hissed at her.

“Thank you for taking him in, Meg. I worried for him greatly, and his name is Balthazar not Satan,” Castiel said as he rubbed at one of Balthy's ears. The cat hissed at him too, but Castiel paid no mind to it. The cat was just testy that he'd been gone for so long. He'd come around soon enough.

“Not worried enough to hurry back. I only realized you were missing when I heard this little guy yowling at 6AM like someone let him out in the rain. I thought you'd stayed out the night at someone's place, then I remembered that you don't have friends, and took him in.” Meg remarked, and Cas looked down trying not to feel ashamed for things out of his control.

“It was not something I had power over, or I would have never left. I do not have my keys with me. I was wondering if you could pick my lock?” Cas asked, and Meg smiled mischievously.

“So dangerous, Castiel. You know how dark and mysterious men make me quiver,” Meg laughed. Castiel rolled his eyes at her humor. He'd become immune to her crude sense of humor over the years they'd lived beside one another.

Meg let him into his apartment, and she brought over the cat food she'd accumulated for Balthazar. As soon as Cas had a moment to himself, he showered and fell into bed. He'd had a headache since he got into town. It felt like his sinuses were going to explode from the pressure in them, and his eyes were irritated. He took a benadryl for it, and that worked for about ten minutes before the pain came back.

Cas tried to lie down, but the pain was distracting. Eventually, his cat came out of hiding, and head butted him in the chest. Castiel held Balthy close, and the cat purred, happily attempting to groom Cas. It was Balthazar's steady purr and warm furry weight that eventually lulled Castiel to sleep.

_Cas could feel the teeth sinking into him. The dream was different though now. He could still feel himself being torn apart, but he was a wolf this time. He could feel his own power, and he fought back. He still felt every bite and gash delivered by his attackers, but he delivered his own blows as well. Eventually, he was the only wolf left standing, but his body was a mess. He collapsed, alone and dying of his injuries. He howled, letting the world hear his pain. As he took his last labored and agonizing breaths, he felt a pair of eyes on him._

_He raised his head as far as he could to see what came to watch him die. He wished he hadn't. At the treeline stood Dean's massive wolf form, but it wasn't Dean. It's eyes were hollow brass, and it's shoulders hunched as it watched him die without emotion._

Castiel woke in agony. He felt as though he still had all of his injuries, and his head still ached fiercely. Most of all, he felt so painfully alone. Balthazar was meowing at him and headbutting his arm in the closest thing he'd ever come to concern. Castiel tried to hold back his tears as he curled around the cat. However, when the pain and the empty feeling didn't recede with the dream as it did when Dean woke him from his nightmares, Castiel stopped fighting the tears.

**

Rage. It was the first thing Dean had felt in hours. It was pure, blind rage. It didn't have a focus, just anyone or thing that was too close to Dean. He'd attacked Sam when his brother tried to get him to eat. Out of the blue, Dean had snapped out of his wallowing and viciously leaped at Sam. Benny had been present and somehow positioned himself between Dean's sharp teeth and Sam's fragile throat. Dean's teeth tore into Benny's forearm for his troubles, but Sam had enough time to move out of the way.

Benny had gotten pretty banged up as he deflected Dean's attacks while he followed Sam right out of the cottage then bolted the door. Dean had been locked in, all alone ever since. Dean tore apart the house he'd taken as his own when he'd come of age. He threw the pots and pans. He smashed the dishes against any surface he could. The couch was destroyed, and Dean stood amongst the stuffing which fell like snow around the room.

Then his eyes caught the nest of furs that Castiel had slept in ever since Dean carried his broken body home with him. The golden eyes of the wolf lost the veil of red through which they saw. Then Dean caught the scent. Salty sweat mixed with earth and rain. Dean had no control over his legs as he padded over the debris to the nest of blankets and furs. He collapsed there and smelled the remnants of Castiel.

The scent soothed his rage even though he did not wish it to. He wanted to destroy it all. He wanted to let his pain take over, but he couldn't. Cas smelled like happiness and home. Dean hated his body's reaction to it, and he hated that no matter how hard he tried, it still smelled right. It still made him hope. He fell asleep again with his nose buried in the furs.


	8. Chapter 8

It was Ellen that pulled Dean out of his doldrums. He didn't know how long he slept, but he woke with his head in her lap getting the scent he'd come to associate with _mom_ with every breath he took. Ellen hadn't so much replaced Mary, but filled the role of unwavering guidance.

“You've got to snap out of this, pup. I know you're hurtin', and I know you're worried, but you've got a pack that depends on you, a family,” she said as she ran her fingers through his golden brown hair. Dean wanted to shift. He wanted to run and escape the responsibilities that had become his even before he'd come of age. He'd never felt burdened by his position in the pack until now. Castiel had been a pleasant reprieve from his duties, but Ellen was right. Dean had an obligation to his family.

That didn't mean he was ready to meet that obligation. “Why does everyone leave me, Ellen? What's wrong with me that I can't hold on to anyone?” Dean asked softly.

He could feel Ellen tense around him, and the air in the room seemed to chill. “Don't you talk like that, Dean Winchester. Don't you dare think you're defective or unworthy. You couldn't save your mama out of no fault of your own. Your daddy was broken after that, and there wasn't anything any of us could do to fix it. Don't you go blaming yourself for their deaths,” Ellen said firmly.

“But I keep losing people,” Dean sighed. He ran his hands over his face and tried to get a hold of himself, but he still felt like someone had reached into his chest and pried away his ribs, so they could ravage his insides.

“People aren't toys, Dean. You can't lose them. They've got needs, desires, fears just like you and me. Sometimes our needs don't line up with someone else's, no matter how much we care for them. It's not about losing them, honey. It's about letting them find their happiness,” Ellen tried to explain, but Dean only felt more pain in the pit of his stomach at her words.

“You don't think he could be happy here. With me,” Dean whispered as he rose from the covers. He found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to wear as Ellen watched him warily. “I suppose I have some business to attend to then,” Dean said coolly as he pulled his shirt over his head. He didn't want the pity he could feel in the room. It would only get worse the longer he stayed in his cottage. The whole pack would pity him for taking the loss of an outsider so hard.

“Honey, what's going on in your head? You were just—”

“You're right, Ellen. I'm not what Cas needs. He needs his job and his cat and his old way of life. I need to see to my pack,” Dean said with an unnatural calm to his demeanor. “We have a full moon coming, and we need to prepare.”

“I've been acting like a child,” Dean said as he slowly picked his way through the debris to his kitchen. Thankfully, his coffee maker had miraculously survived his wrath, and there were a few cups that had also avoided destruction. Dean made himself a pot of coffee while Ellen tried to reason with him.

“Dean, you're allowed to be upset. No one will begrudge you that. Locking this away is only going to hurt you more. Yes, we need you, but we need you in your right mind,” she said cautiously as Dean held out a cup of coffee to her.

“I'll be fine, Ellen,” was all Dean said as he took his cup and went outside.

Benny was asleep beside the doorway. Sam wasn't there, but that was likely because Madison had dragged him home to sleep. Dean nudged Benny gently in the ribs with his boot, and the large man woke with a start.

“You feeling better, brother?” he asked when he saw Dean looking down at him, dressed but looking tired.

“I'm sorry about your arm,” Dean apologized as he motioned to the bandages covering Benny's forearm. Benny just shrugged it off.

“I've had worse from the pups. Don't know what you're on about,” he said as he accepted Dean's offered hand to help him rise. Dean laughed at Benny's easy way of offering forgiveness, and tried to accept it though he felt guilt for what he'd done. Benny followed him to the main house making light conversation, and though Dean could see through it he didn't complain. Benny was concerned, but he knew not to push Dean.

It wasn't until later that day after Bobby had read him the riot act and told him to stop acting like his prom date stood him up, that Benny tried to talk to Dean about what happened. They were sitting out in the square taking their evening meal after patrolling the borders.

Benny was whittling a small piece of wood with his pocket knife while he picked at his food. Dean was making notes of what he'd seen on patrol as well as what else he needed to do before the moon.

“Don't get me wrong, brother. I'm pleased as punch to have my old friend back, but I can't help noticing there's something missing today,” Benny remarked in what would've sounded like a casual tone had Dean not known the man as long as he could remember.

“What's missing, Benny?” Dean asked tiredly as he scratched out something on his list to move it up to the top.

“We ran for hours today, Dean, and I know runnin' the border is one of your favorite activities, but you didn't so much as mark one tree or sniff any of those damn wild flowers you love to stick your snout in. You're just goin' through the motions,” Benny pointed out as he stopped what he was doing. The makings of a wolf emerging from the wood.

“Benny...” Dean said warningly.

“I'm not causing trouble, brother. I'm just sayin' that I never saw you happier than when Cas was here,” Benny said as he leaned back against the well. His big fingers running over the carved wood, cleaning away any shavings that hadn't fallen away.

“He left me, Benny. He wasn't happy here. He didn't need my friendship.”

“That's a damn lie if I ever heard one. In case your memory was warped around the same time you started makin' up nonsense, I was there that morning he woke growling, because I got too close to you. I was there when you two started kissing in the stream. I may not believe in fairytales like Maddie and Sam, but I'm not blind Dean. He was happy when he was with you. Don't try to fool yourself just because it hurts. Just leaves you with a big blind spot,” Benny argued.

“What difference does it make? He's gone.”

“It makes a goddamn difference, because for some reason, you don't think your worth loving. I suppose it was your daddy's fault for not being man enough to raise his pups when the chips were down, but just because your father didn't have his priorities straight doesn't mean you aren't worth love. You give so damn much of yourself for this pack, and still you don't think you're worthy of those in it. Dean, open your damn eyes. Any wolf here would gladly give their life for you, not because of obligation but because you've given everything to protect them and their families, and they love you. Castiel may have left, but I don't think he's gone for good, because I think he left something important behind.”

“That's a very nice speech, Benny, but you're wrong,” Dean said softly as he folded up his list and tucked it into his pocket before standing. “I need to speak to Sam. I'll see you later for patrol,” Dean said before walking away. He couldn't hear anymore of what Benny had to say. He didn't like to be reminded of his insecurities, and Benny sure did know them all.

**

The pain was still there come morning. Cas' head felt like it might explode, and his insides churned, leaving him feeling like he might lose his meager dinner at any moment. Balthazar had not left his side even when Cas missed his 6AM feeding. The cat simply bathed Cas' face as it might for its own kitten.

Cas groaned as he tried to pull himself out of bed, but he caught a whiff of the trash which hadn't been taken out in weeks, and he only had enough time to toss Balth to the other side of the mattress, before he got sick over the side of the bed. He wiped at his mouth with the bedding when he was finished, and he looked over at his cat which licked its paws while it ignored Cas' sudden illness.

“Yeah, I don't want to be near me either,” Cas said as he pulled himself to his feet. Everything ached. Everything smelled far too strong. Lights were too bright, and he felt like his head was three sizes too big for his body. Cas just wanted to curl under the covers and pray for it to end.

Cas went to his medicine cabinet and grabbed the entire box of benadryl. He took twice the recommended dose, and stuffed the rest into his back pocket. The relief was almost immediate, and it hit him almost as hard as the pain. One moment he was practically frothing from whatever it was that was wrong with him, and the next he felt bereft of so many sensations.

“Werewolves need to come with a damn handbook, Balthazar,” Castiel said as he walked through the apartment collecting all of the trash in one large bag. He cleaned out the litter box, and he even tackled the refrigerator.

By the time he had removed anything repulsive smelling, his head was starting to ache again. He took several more allergy pills then followed them with several aspirin. He chugged two bottles of water and just leaned against the kitchen counter.

“I can do this. I can do this,” he said aloud as he gripped the edge of the counter. He just needed a minute, then he would take a shower, get dressed, and head to the shelter. He just needed to stick to his routine. That would help him control the pain.

Balthazar wrapped himself around Cas' legs while Cas stood there, and Cas sighed. He grabbed the cat food he hadn't put away yet, and he poured some into a dish for Balthazar. “I swear I'm not trying to kill you, Balthy,” Cas said weakly as he ran his hand over the tabby's back.

He showered and dressed, and he took the bus to the shelter. It was probably one of the worst experiences on public transportation that he'd ever had. The stench coming off several of the other passengers continuously turned his stomach. That included the businessman wearing about a gallon of cologne to cover the smell of the woman he'd had sex with that morning, and the woman who had a tuna fish sandwich in her bag that was just the wrong side of turned.

Cas got off several blocks early and walked the rest of the way in hopes that the open air wouldn't be as bad, but his headache was back with a vengeance anyway. He took several more aspirin and slipped into a convenience store to buy more. He just hoped that the same thing making them wear off quickly was eliminating them quickly, so he didn't end up overdosing on benadryl and aspirin.

Everyone at the shelter looked like they'd seen a ghost when he walked in. Several of the other volunteers rushed up to him and asked him more questions than he could really follow. He lied as best he could about his disappearance, but he couldn't help feeling that perhaps this had been a terrible idea.

He took potato duty, because he still felt awful, and he didn't know if he could be around people. He sat in the back room peeling potatoes for over an hour before the dizziness hit him and wouldn't let go. Cas' vision swam, and he looked down to see his skin peeling away from his fingers and vicious claws being left in its wake. His hands were huge and monstrous, and blood dripped from his newly formed claws. Cas passed out before he could scream.

Cas woke to the feeling of the cold floor against his face. He couldn't have been out long, because no one had discovered him. His head still ached, but the dizziness had receded again. He looked down at his hands as soon as his vision cleared, and they looked completely normal.

Cas wanted to scream, but he scrambled to his feet instead. He grabbed his jacket off the hook and ran out of the shelter without a word. He was wrong. He couldn't do this. He needed Dean. He needed him to tell him he was going to be alright.

Cas ran all the way back to his apartment, barely feeling the two mile run. He burst through the door and started grabbing the closest things to him and carrying them to the couch. He found a duffel bag he'd used in college, and he started pushing the most important things into it. He took clothing and shoes. He packed Balthazar's favorite toys. He packed trinkets from trips he'd been on and his favorite mug. It was a mess, but he was too frantic to think too clearly about what he was doing.

He almost tried to shove Balthazar into the bag, but he had a moment of clarity as he lifted the unamused cat up. He held Balthazar to his chest and nudged the cat's head with his nose. “I'm scared, Balth,” he whispered as he tried to calm his nerves, but he still shook.

Cas cried out as he was overcome by another wave of dizziness. He felt like his ribs were tearing out of his chest, but he refused to look this time. He didn't want to see the gore that was his chest. He waited for consciousness to be torn away, but it stayed, and he whimpered as he put Balthazar down and clutched at his ribs.

He'd never been so scared in his life. The chase hadn't even terrified him like this. He kept replaying Dean's words about every bone in his body breaking then bleeding out slowly on the floor. “I don't want to die,” he wheezed, and eventually the pain slowly receded. He fell to his knees and tried to pull himself together.

His apartment door burst open as he was getting his breathing back under control.

“What in all Hell is going on in here? Are you being murdered? Because if you aren't, you have no right to make the noises I just heard,” Meg shouted as he stormed into the living room/kitchen. Her hair was wet and her clothes didn't match like she'd dressed in a frenzy. She was carrying a baseball bat in one hand and a chef's knife in her other. She dropped the bat when she saw Cas kneeling, clutching his chest.

“I'm alright, but I need a favor, Meg,” Cas said weakly, because he didn't have the strength to raise his voice.

“We'll need to buy a shovel if we're burying a body. I don't have one,” Meg said as she bent to help him to his feet. She supported his weight easily for someone much smaller than him.

“I didn't kill anyone. I need you to drop me off somewhere without asking any questions,” Cas explained as she helped him over to the couch and made him sit.

“Sure, Clarence. Let me grab you a drink first. You look like you've been run over a few times,” Meg insisted as she went to the sink and poured him a glass of water.

Cas drank it down gratefully until the taste of it hit him. He choked and coughed a good portion of it up. It tasted like chemicals, and it burned his throat.

Meg's eyebrows shot up, and she looked concerned as she took the glass from him. “Tastes awful,” Cas said with a cringe, and Meg laughed.

“Yeah, it's our building's water. I wouldn't be surprised if it was laced with arsenic,” she said as she held his shoulder gently. Cas could smell her, but she smelled nice. It wasn't overpowering or grating, and he was grateful for it. “Come on, sweet cheeks. I've got a shift tonight, so we better get a move on,” she prompted, then she helped him to his feet.

Meg took his duffel bag, and Cas held Balthazar tightly as they headed down to her car. When they were settled, she turned to him. “So, where to?”

“I need you to drop me off on the interstate about five miles outside of town,” Cas explained as he rubbed underneath Balthazar's chin. He hoped she wouldn't question it, and he also hoped that Balthazar would behave for the ride.

It seemed that both Meg and the cat sensed the disquiet in Cas, and neither made a fuss as they rode out of the town. Cas tried to breathe steadily through his mouth as they drove. He knew the dizziness would come again, but he hoped it would wait until his was away from Meg. He didn't want them crashing, because he had an attack of some sort.

“Are you sure you're going to be alright, Clarence?” Meg asked when she pulled to the side of the road. “Is someone coming for you?”

“Yes, I believe he will come for me shortly. Thank you for everything you've done, Meg,” Cas said as he leaned in for an awkward hug that was cut short when Balthazar made a swipe at Meg.

“Yeah, yeah. I know you're still mad at me,” she said with a roll of her eyes before she sobered again. “Be careful, Cas, and call me if you need anything,” she said as she handed him a card with her number since she knew he'd lost his phone.

Cas nodded before climbing out of the car and taking his bag from the back seat. He walked up the embankment toward the forest, and he waved to Meg as he got to the forest's edge. She waved back before pulling away.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel stumbled through the forest holding Balthazar tightly to his chest. For once the cat seemed content to rest in his arms without protest.

Castiel could feel another dizzy spell coming on, but he couldn't stop. If he blacked out here, there was no telling what could happen to him and Balthazar. “We just need to get to Dean, Balthy. He'll help us,” Castiel told the cat, but it was more of a reassurance to himself. He truly didn't know if Dean would help him after he'd broken the trust that Dean had worked so hard to build with him.

Cas stumbled as the dizziness swept over him. His shoulder knocked into a tree, and he leaned against it as he gritted his teeth through the pain. “We just need to go a little further. We'll be fine,” Cas said aloud, though he couldn't hear anything over the ringing in his ears.

Castiel was on the edge of blacking out, but the feeling of tiny claws digging into his forearms pulled him back enough to start moving again. He stumbled several times, but he was barely aware of the scrapes and scratches he got with each fall. He wasn't even sure if he was headed for the farm or just wandering in circles.

Everything looked the same as his vision swam in and out of focus. A rush of pain swept over him, and he couldn't fight the hallucinations this time. He could see the flesh torn away from the broken bones in his arms as they still cradled his cat. His chest was ravaged, and Balthazar's claws scraped against his protruding ribs.

“No, I want to live,” Castiel mumbled as he fell to his knees. Balthazar sprang out of his arms as he swayed. The pack on his back pulled him down to the side as its weight shifted. The black spots in his vision spread as Castiel fell to the cold, damp earth. His head hit a felled branch as he hit the ground.

“Dean will find us,” Cas mumbled as he slowly faded from consciousness, clutching his chest to hold it together. The last thing he registered was Balthazar's fuzzy head bumping his own.

**

Dean pushed into Sam's cottage without knocking. Madison was going through pack finances at the kitchen table since she and Sam were the only ones who had the patience for it. She looked up with cold eyes when she saw Dean enter the house.

“Come to finish him off?” she asked as she looked back down at her work.

“Where is he?” Dean ignored her question. He wasn't about to hash it out with Madison. He'd lose, and he'd only feel worse about the whole thing.

“Upstairs. Just remember, I've got that rifle under the sink, and I'm not afraid to use it if you suddenly lose your mind again,” she said dismissively.

“I'll keep that in mind, Maddie,” Dean said with a short laugh as he headed upstairs.

“Your mate isn't too happy with me,” Dean remarked as he leaned against the doorway of the nursery Sam had been putting together since he and Madison became mates.

“She didn't see us as pups when you'd carry me around with my neck clamped between your teeth,” Sam shrugged as he tried to fit two pieces of wood together in hopes of making a crib, or that's what Dean thought he was attempting to make. It looked like a pile of wooden spindles that Benny had carved animals into at the moment.

“That's how everyone carries pups,” Dean said defensively as he pushed Sam away from the mess of wood and started fitting it together himself.

“No Dean, they carry pups by their scruff not their throat. You know, I don't need your help with this. I'm perfectly capable of hammering a few pieces of wood together,” Sam huffed and ran his hand through his long hair.

“I got you where you needed to go, and you don't use a hammer for this,” Dean rolled his eyes. Sam was just as capable with a set of tools as Dean, but Dean had a sneaking suspicion that Sam liked to play dumb just to get Dean involved. Dean had tried the same tactic with their father whenever he'd shown his face, but it hadn't worked out as well for Dean.

“So, you actually got a pup on the way, or are you still just the most prepared non-parent ever?” Dean asked as he worked.

“It's real this time, but we aren't telling anyone yet,” Sam admitted as he handed Dean a screw. Dean glanced over at him to see the big, dopey smile on Sam's face.

“Congrats Sammy!” Dean said with a bright smile. Sam had wanted pups since he had barely grown out of being one. Dean had never had such bright hopes for himself. He always imagined being a good uncle to Sam and Benny's pups.

“Thanks Dean. Maybe one of these days you'll find a nice mate and have a couple of your own,” Sam said softly.

“Not you too! Everyone today suddenly wants to tell me about what I'm missing out on. I'm fine. I don't need a mate. I don't need your pity or your help. I'm fine,” Dean argued. His voice was louder than he'd wanted it to be, and he could hear Madison pushing her chair out downstairs.

“You aren't fine, Dean. You took an outsider going back to his home worse than you did Dad dying. I've never seen you so beside yourself. You obviously aren't as fine as you like to believe. Maybe it's time to settle down. There are plenty of women in the pack that would kill to be your mate—”

“Sam, please don't do this,” Dean pleaded as he put down the pieces of the crib that he was holding. He needed to be levelheaded for the pack. He couldn't be examining his feelings, especially not those for a stranger who'd abandoned him and his pack at the first chance he got.

“Dean, I get that you have a damn hero complex. You drag us out every month to protect anyone who might find themselves in pack territory during the full moon. Hell, you made us spend years learning to control the change just so we could stop ourselves from hurting—”

“Please, Sam. I don't want to talk about this,” Dean pleaded as he stood. He backed away from Sam as his brother gave him the pitying look that Dean knew so well. Everyone pitied the wolf no one wanted. They always told him to find a mate, but they knew he wasn't meant to have one. He tainted everything he touched, his mother and father. Even Castiel suffered because of Dean.

“Dean you never want to talk about this.”

“Then get the hint, Sammy,” Dean said as he turned and fled the room. It was childish to run from his brother, but Dean still wasn't thinking clearly. He bounded down the stairs two at a time, and he marched past Madison who stood watching him in confusion.

Sam was hot on his heels calling for him to stop, but Dean didn't hear his words. He just needed to get out of there. He pushed out the front door of the cottage and let the crisp afternoon air clear his head. He stopped and stood in front of Sam's cottage until Sam joined him.

“I understand that talking is how you deal with things, but that's not how I do it, so please don't push me,” Dean said with as much restraint as he could muster.

“Yeah, I got it. I'm sor—”

Dean's head whipped toward the forest, and he went completely still.

“Dean, what's wrong?” Sam asked as he reached for Dean, but Dean already shook it off.

“It's nothing. I thought I smelled something, but it's probably just my imagination,” Dean said as he ran his fingers through his short hair. He was certain he smelled Cas on the breeze, but that was impossible. His scent would've been long gone by now. Just a fleeting memory. “I'm going to help Bobby,” Dean said as he waved at his brother and walked away.

“Alright, but don't work yourself too hard. I know how you get when you're like this,” Sam called, and Dean responded by raising his middle finger over his shoulder. He could hear Sam chuckle behind him, and it made him smile a bit too.

He only made it as far as Bobby's house before the scent hit him again. It was buried in a stale smell of sickness, and Dean could feel his hackles raising immediately. However, as soon as it came, it was gone again. Dean stood outside Bobby's house fighting the instinct to transform and chase down the scent, to ensure that Castiel was alright.

It was silly though. Cas was gone.

“Are you waiting for a special invitation, ya idjit?” Bobby asked as he appeared at the top of the stairs. Dean looked up at him, but he was still scenting the air. “What's gotten into you, boy?”

There it was again. Strong this time. It definitely smelled like illness, but under the sweat, bile, and blood was Cas. Dean looked at Bobby apologetically as he felt his wolf form take over and tear out of him with a howl. The last thing he registered before he was moving like a force of nature through the forest was Bobby's expressive _aww shit_.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean bounded through the forest following the scent he'd fallen asleep to and woken up to for nearly a month. Even buried under whatever was ailing Castiel, Dean could still smell the man he'd come to associate with home.

Dean had as little control over his wolf form as he had as a pup. He was going purely on instinct, and instinct was driving him to help his packmate as fast as he could. He leaped over fallen branches, and he darted around trees. He'd locked onto the scent as soon as he'd entered the forest. It was as though there was a string tied around each of them, and it pulled Dean straight to Cas.

As the scent got stronger and Dean knew he was closing in, he fought his instinct. Everything in him wanted to charge in and destroy anything that might have harmed Cas, but there was a very good chance of hurting Cas in the process. He wasn't a wolf yet, and Dean could easily kill him by treating him as one.

Dean fought through the cloudiness of his mind as he tore around another tree and saw Cas' prone body lying just beyond it. He wasn't conscious, but he gripped his chest so tightly his nails dug into his flesh through his shirt. Dean slowed and approached Castiel cautiously scenting the air.

Dean could smell the terror pouring off of him even though he wasn't awake. He moved to nuzzle Cas as he did when Cas was healing and the nightmares took him. However, as Dean drew closer to Cas, a tiny tabby cat darted out in front of him, blocking his path.

The cat's hackles were raised, and its fur stood straight up as it hissed at Dean. Dean's wolf form completely dwarfed the cat, but the small creature didn't seem to care. A sliver of a memory tugged at Dean's mind telling him the cat was Cas', but the wolf didn't listen.

Dean growled at the cat and bared his teeth. The cat wasn't intimidated and swiped out with its paw even though Dean wasn't close enough to strike.

Dean didn't have time to waste while Cas was hurt, so he moved forward toward the prone man. He tried to step around the cat, but it darted in front of him and tried to drive him back. Dean released a frustrated growl as he marched right up to the tabby and breathed out in a huff that pushed the cat's fur straight back.

Dean didn't even see the movement as the cat swiped out and scratched him right across the nose with a vicious hiss. Dean stumbled back with a surprised yelp. Clearly, the cat wasn't impressed with him, just like Cas hadn't been. It was a surprising and grounding thought that broke through the haze.

Dean wrestled with the wolf as to how to deal with the guard cat, but the choice was taken out of his hands. Cas moved behind the cat, scenting the air as he whimpered softly. “Dean,” he whispered as his head fell back to the damp ground.

Dean transformed as soon as he heard Cas' voice. The cat eyed him warily as it backed toward Cas, but Dean paid it no mind. “I need to help him,” Dean said, though he knew the cat couldn't understand. Even many weres didn't understand human speech in wolf form. It was a skill that took years to hone.

Dean dropped beside Cas, and the cat pounced to claw him again, but Dean let it. He ran his hand through Cas' sweaty hair and spoke softly to him. “Cas, can you hear me? It's Dean. You're gonna to be alright,” Dean said as he pulled his hand away. There was blood on it when he looked down at his fingers.

Dean cursed under his breath as he wiped the blood on his naked thigh. He pulled his arm away from where the cat was using it as a scratching post, and he gently pulled Cas up to cradle him to his chest. He quickly assessed the head wound, but it wasn't particularly serious.

“Cas, wake up. You've got to tell me what's wrong,” Dean urged as he carefully pulled Cas' fingers away from his chest and held them in his own. His heart rate was too fast, his temperature too high. Dean felt helpless as he gently shook Cas, trying to get him to wake long enough to tell Dean what was wrong.

Had someone poisoned him? It was hard to poison a werewolf, but it wasn't unheard of. No one knew he was a were though, and it was doubtful that many people knew he was even still alive.

Dean shook any conclusions from his mind as he wrapped his cat scratched arm under Cas' knees while his other supported his shoulders. Dean rose to his feet with grace and held Cas securely in his arms. It felt too familiar as Dean hurried through the woods with Cas unconscious in his arms.

Last time, Dean had known what was wrong with Cas, and he was fairly certain he would live. Now though, Cas was extremely ill and so close to his first transformation. Dean felt worry like a knife in the gut as he tried to study Cas while he ran and navigated the forest.

Dean could sense the cat following close at his heels. He would have carried the cat as well if the little demon didn't have it out for him.

Dean nearly tripped when Cas' eyes fluttered open for a moment. His eyes were pale with just a hint of their usual blue, and the pupils were constricted to pin pricks, wolf eyes.

Dean skidded to a halt as he shook Cas to get him to look at Dean again. “You can't be changing yet. You still have two days,” Dean said breathlessly as Cas' eyes caught his own again. Instead of speaking, Cas pressed his nose into Dean's neck and sniffed. Some of the tension eased out of his muscles when Dean's scent filled his lungs.

“Fuck,” Dean cursed as he hefted Cas higher in his arms and started to run again. “You're going to be alright Cas. I'll help you through this,” Dean promised as he entered pack territory.

Benny and Bobby were on him within seconds. Benny was carrying a heavy blanket and a pair of Dean's sweats, and Bobby had several canteens of water. Benny threw the blanket down and spread it as soon as Dean got close.

“Put him down,” Bobby ordered gruffly. “No time for hesitating boy, not if you want him to survive,” he said when Dean looked at them in confusion.

Dean laid Cas down, and the tabby darted right into the middle of the blanket with him as soon as Cas was out of Dean's hands. Benny tossed Dean the pants then bent to scoop the cat up right before Bobby started dousing Cas with the water. “Don't think you want to be in the middle of that little guy,” Benny cooed as he held the cat to his chest, no questions asked.

Dean was about to warn him that the cat was vicious, but the tabby was calm in Benny's huge hands. “Cas will be fine,” Benny murmured to the cat as he stroked its back gently. Dean wished someone would sooth him like that, because he was out of his mind with worry. His wolf was still fighting to come out, even though it would do little good right now. It was just instinct.

“You take the other end, since Benny's got a handful of fur and claws,” Bobby said as he took the corners of the blanket to make a sling once Cas was soaking wet. Dean grabbed the end by Cas' head and stroked his wet hair away from his face once he was in the air. He carried the blanket with one arm, but he couldn't take the other away from Cas' face. He gently cradled his jaw as they ran, even though it was an awkward position.

They moved more easily now that Dean had help to carry Cas. It wasn't that Cas was too heavy, but being nearly as large as Dean, it was awkward to balance him in his arms. There was no chance of dropping him when secured between Dean and Bobby.

They went straight to Dean's destroyed cottage when they got to the farm. It wasn't really equipped for taking care of Cas' transformation, but they needed a place that felt safe for Cas, or instinct would hold him back from the vulnerability of transforming. Dean just hoped that his cottage and scent held the same sense of home and safety as Cas' scent did for Dean.

“Jesus boy, couldn't you have waited to have your rockstar meltdown until after this whole mess?” Bobby grumbled as they picked through the debris to get to Dean's bed. Benny let the cat go as soon as the door shut, and he cleared a path for them to lie Cas down.

“Maybe we should just put him in the tub. He needs to stay cool if he's going to survive,” Benny said as he grabbed several towels that were laying around in the mess and walked into the bathroom.

“No, we're going to get him as comfortable as possible here, then we're skedaddling,” Bobby said as he grabbed at Dean's dirty clothes and piled them around Cas' prone form, enveloping him in Dean's scent.

“You're just going to leave me?” Dean asked a bit offended and terrified by the notion that he had no one to help him through this. Bobby and Benny had been through transformations with loved ones before. Bobby had been through his own transformation. Dean hadn't experienced one first hand, and he had no idea what to do other than to try to make Cas feel safe.

“Cas doesn't really trust either of us, Dean. He won't feel safe to change with us around, and it will only be that much more dangerous for him. You've just got to be there for him. Keep him strong,” Benny said as he came out with the towels, which were now completely wet. He draped them over Cas to keep his body cool, then he and Bobby started walking toward the door.

“Do what you've been doing since you saved him, Dean. He came back, so he trusts you to get him through this. You can only make him comfortable. The rest is on him,” Bobby said as his parting advice. Benny nodded and gave Dean one his looks that said he believed in Dean far more than he believed in anyone or anything else. It eased Dean's fears a little, but it also placed an even heavier burden on his shoulders. Cas' survival was all on him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific warning: Like 80% of this chapter deals with body horror of werewolf transformation, so this is your warning. Skip it if that is not your cup of tea.

Dean felt like all of the air left the tiny cottage with Benny and Bobby. As the door shut firmly behind them, he looked down at the man writhing in pain on his bed and felt like he was drowning. The cat seemed to have similar feelings, because he’d put his hatred for Dean aside for the moment to look at him like he should be fixing everything.

Dean scrubbed his hands over his face in frustration at Bobby and Benny. He couldn't do this alone. Hell, he was pretty damn sure he couldn't do this with an army at his back. Dean was bad luck. Anything he touched crumbled like ash, and he didn't want to be responsible for Cas' destruction on top of all the rest.

Then Cas whimpered.

It was soft and sad sounding, none of the righteous anger he'd shown Dean when they first met. It was just a soft, weak whimper. Yet, it tore away all of Dean's self loathing and dragged him back to the moment at hand.

“Cas,” Dean said as he collapsed onto the bed bedside Cas. The cat made a swipe for him, but Dean growled deeply at the creature attempting to keep him from what was his. “You're safe, Cas,” Dean said, even though he wasn't sure that Cas could hear or understand anything right now. “I'm here, man.”

Dean ran his fingers through Cas' damp hair and wiped at his brow with one of his dirty t-shirts, which was wrapped around Cas' prone body. Cas turned into the touch, pressing his face into the cool fabric, sniffing it blindly as he gritted his teeth against the pain.

Dean growled at every desperate little noise that worked its way out of Cas' throat, but even his sounds were weak and strained. “Hey, Cas, open you're eyes. Come on! I need to know you're with me, buddy,” Dean begged desperately as he shook Cas' shoulders, lifting him off the bedding, but Cas was limp in his hands.

Balthazar dug his claws and teeth into Dean's forearm for his rough treatment of his patient, and Dean roared in frustration. That garnered a response from Cas. He returned the howl. It was far more human than Dean's wail, scratchy and shrill, but it was a _were_ reaction.

Both Dean and Balthazar paused their squabble to look at Cas, whose eyes were open and watching Balthazar take a chunk out of Dean's arm right over his chest. They were the yellow, fevered eyes of a changeling, and they were glassy and laced in red from the pain and fever. It would have been terrifying had Dean not been so relieved to see him awake.

“Cas,” Dean said as Cas let out another pained groan and fell back against the furs. Dean leaned over him and looked into his eyes which darted around the room as though he'd never been here before. “Hey, Cas. You're in my house. You're safe. I found you in the woods. Your cat hates me, but congrats, he still seems to like you,” Dean rambled as he cupped Cas' face trying to keep him awake and focused.

“What's happening to me?” Cas croaked in frayed speech. Dean was suddenly swept up by memories of humans that survived the transformation whose voices were never the same. Torn apart by the change and forever a bit ragged. Bobby's gruff voice worn not just from decades of alcoholism but the destruction of his curse.

“You're changing,” Dean said simply, pushing his thoughts aside. If he thought about all of the complications of transformation right now, he'd only project fear that Cas' wolf would sense. He needed to be calm...as calm as possible when the man he'd taken under his protection was about to be torn apart from the inside out.

“Bbbut-but you... you said the moon,” Cas fought through the sentence, and Dean pressed a finger to his lips to stop him from struggling to form words. He'd need every bit of strength he had.

“I know, but sometimes a were transforms early. It hasn't happened in our pack in decades. I wasn't even alive when the last one did,” Dean said. “Means you're strong.” Dean withheld the knowledge that it also meant the transformation was even harder.

“My family would say this is divine punishment for my sins,” Cas said after a minute of staring blankly up at the ceiling. His expression was still a bit vacant, and Dean wished that he knew some way to ease the pain that was stealing Cas' fire.

“They sound like a bunch of douche bags, Cas,” Dean said with a lopsided smile, and it worked. Cas snorted at him even if it was cut off by a whimper.

“That's true, but perhaps they'd be right in this case,” Cas bit out, pausing to catch his breath for a moment.

Dean didn't really know what to say to that, because he'd often thought the same thing. He just wiped at Cas' brow again and stayed close to him, so Cas couldn't escape his scent. “You need to keep up your strength, Cas. Can I get you anything? Anything that would make you feel more comfortable?” Dean asked as he checked the wet towels. They were warm now, and he figured that he'd need to douse them again soon.

Cas didn't answer right away. His eyes rolled back in his skull, and Dean paused not knowing whether to let him fall back into unconsciousness or keep him awake. If he was unconscious then instinct would see him through, but if instinct told him it wasn't safe, Dean couldn't talk him through it.

“Wolf,” Cas whispered after Dean had assumed him out again, and he groped gently at Dean's bare chest looking for the thick fur he buried his fingers in when he was recovering. Dean grasped Cas' hand in his own and held it tightly to his chest. His transformation was slower than usual. His wolf hesitant to break out of him suddenly and inadvertently hurt or frighten Cas, but Cas' fingers clung tighter to Dean as he felt the thick fur begin to cover his body. Dean urged him to let his hands explore as Dean shifted. It was excruciating to transform like this, but Cas' transformation would be even slower and far more painful. So, Dean bore it, and tried to show Cas' hands how his own body would change, to ease some of the mystery.

Cas' hands continued to explore Dean's slowly changing body, and he rolled to his side and curled into Dean's body as the lean muscles of the wolf formed. Cas whimpered and scented Dean when he was finally fully transformed. Dean panted and returned the gesture, smelling Cas' sweat slicked skin even though it smelled strongly of sickness.

Dean lapped at Cas' heated skin to clean him and cool the fever burning up his insides. Cas moaned at the gentle treatment, but it was soon followed by a wail as his body seized in pain. Dean rose and settled himself over Cas' chest, careful not to leave his full weight on Cas' weak ribcage, but enough to comfort him.

Dean wanted to speak, to whisper reassurances, but he couldn't give both the physical comfort of the wolf and the verbal comfort of a human. He just hoped that Cas needed his body more than his voice right now. He whimpered and whined at Cas, trying to convey that he wished he could do more, but Cas was oblivious to anything but the pain.

Dean sat there lapping at Cas' face for what seemed like hours. He tracked the sun's descent in the sky as he moved about Cas, never straying further than maintaining contact would allow. Balthazar took up residence on Cas' chest when Dean would get up, so as not to raise Cas' fever any further. The cat butted his head against Cas' chin and cleaned his available skin much as Dean did.

When Dean would finish pacing and return, Balthazar would curl up beside Cas' head and rest there, softly purring.

It was slow going. Dean wished the process was faster, that it could be over and done with, but it didn't work that way, especially without the help of the full moon. So, he waited. He nuzzled Cas' chest and face when Cas was coherent enough to understand that it was Dean there, and allowed Cas to blindly cling to his fur when Cas was too deep to understand anything.

As the sun set, Dean got a taste of what transformation was really like. Cas had been quiet for almost an hour. His fever had dropped enough that Dean didn't fear he'd die from that before he had a chance to transform. Dean had been dozing next to Cas with Balthazar on Cas' stomach. Cas' hand was still buried in the fur on Dean's belly, but his fingers were relaxed, and it only served to drive Dean closer to sleep.

Cas' back arched off the bed, sending Balthazar into the air, and Cas let out an unnatural wail into the gathering night. Dean hadn't noticed the goings on outside until suddenly the whole farm was silent as another one of Cas' cries rent the air.

Dean was up before Balthazar landed on the bed and darted away from Cas, who was scrambling across the sheets. Dean followed him, but Cas lashed out. He kicked Dean in the chest, sending the wolf back onto his haunches with a yelp. When Dean moved forward again Cas threw his arm out and scratched across Dean's nose.

The scent of Dean's own blood registered before the actual sting of the cuts Cas had left in his wake. That's when Dean noticed the grotesque shape of Cas' hands. His fingers were dislocated from the change and bloody claws were working their way out of his fingertips where Cas' neatly trimmed nails had been.

Cas howled, and Dean approached again. Cas lashed out, but Dean avoided the dangerous swipe and crowded right into Cas' personal space. He pressed his nose into Cas' neck and used the bulk of his wolf form to keep Cas from breaking free.

Cas writhed against him, crying out again and again. Dean could feel when Cas' ribs broke and expanded. Dean whimpered as Cas' voice was stolen from him as his lungs collapsed and reformed.

Cas slumped against Dean when he could breathe again. His broken chest rose and fell in erratic gasps as Cas clutched at Dean's hulking form. His claws dug into Dean's flesh through the fur, but Dean didn't protest. He licked everywhere he could reach and stayed there until Cas spoke.

“Dean,” he said, but it was drawn out and even deeper than Cas' normal voice. It sounded strange to Dean's sensitive ears, but it also sounded right, like this was Cas' true voice. Dean couldn't wait to hear his howl either. “I can't move my hands,” Cas said as he pulled back and looked at the disfigured appendages. “Oh,” he grunted, numb.

Dean bowed his head to lick Cas' broken hands clean as gently as possible. Cas groaned in pain, but he didn't stop Dean. “Can't hold you,” Cas mumbled though Dean could tell he was slipping again. Dean transformed then and clutched Cas' hands in his.

“Good thing I can hold you then,” Dean said with a cheeky smile, even though he didn't feel like smiling much. Cas let his head fall forward to rest on Dean's bare shoulder. Dean clutched Cas' hands in one of his own, so he could run his free hand through Cas' wild hair. “I'm not good at this stuff, Cas. I'm not—”

“I know what you are, Dean. I didn't come back because...” he paused as his breath caught, and Dean watched as Cas' teeth slowly elongated and blood dripped from his gums and down over his lips. “...I-I came back. Because. I trust you...to get me through this,” Cas gritted his teeth, which probably only increased the pain.

Dean was abysmal at words, and he didn't even know where to begin to talk Cas through this. He didn't know how to tell him he'd do everything to help Cas through this. So being Dean, he did what he knew how to do.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to the tight line of Cas' mouth. Cas didn't respond to Dean immediately, still working through the pain, but after a moment, his lips softened and he opened to Dean's kiss. It was bloody and fumbling, made bloodier when Cas opened his mouth to Dean's exploration, and Dean's tongue met Cas' new, sharp teeth.

This only excited Dean more. He nipped at Cas' blood covered lips and swept his tongue into Cas' mouth. Cas forgot himself and responded in turn, biting at Dean's lips and accidentally tearing the soft flesh. Dean didn't really care. It would heal. Getting as close to Cas as possible was much more important.

Dean carefully pulled Cas away from the wall and rolled him onto his back without breaking the kiss. Cas' claws scored down Dean's back as Dean trailed nips and licks along Cas' throat. Dean pushed himself up to look down at Cas as they caught their breath. Cas' lips and chin were covered in his and Dean's mingled blood. His eyes were still a glowing yellow rather than his natural blue, and his chest heaved from excitement rather than pain for the first time in hours.

He looked up at Dean with hunger in his eyes, and Dean felt his own hunger as he watched Cas. Neither moved for a while, just staring at each other, scenting the air now and again just to enjoy the heady mix of the pair of them.

Dean leaned down to kiss Cas, but another wave of pain swept through Cas, and instead, Dean watched in horror as Cas struggled to breathe through it. Cas writhed under him, his legs going stiff. Dean knew what was coming, but that didn't make it any less sickening when he felt Cas' hips dislocate beneath his own, his pelvis shifting. Cas' claws were buried deeply in the muscle of Dean's back.

“Dammit, Cas. Breathe,” Dean growled as he watched Cas' face go red.

“Hurts,” Cas growled back.

“It's supposed to. Breathe for fuck's sake before you pass out,” Dean shouted in frustration. Dean let out his own breath when Cas' lungs expanded, and he eased up on Dean's back. Dean could still feel Cas' displaced hips beneath him, but Cas held him in place when he tried to move. “What do you need?” Dean asked as he held himself still.

“Kiss me,” Cas demanded through gritted teeth, and Dean snorted in relief. He leaned down and captured Cas' lips again.

It slowed again after that. Cas couldn't move without causing himself excruciating pain, but for over an hour nothing changed. He complained of nausea, but it was manageable. Every breath was labored but accessible, and Dean carefully cared for him and brought him water when Cas let him move again.

Cas was mostly coherent now, and Dean learned that that was because the bottle of painkillers and antihistamines had worked their way out of his system.

“How many did you take?” he roared when Cas asked for his bottle only to find it was empty.

“They weren't wor—”

“Of course, they weren't. You're a werewolf. That's not a treatable medical condition,” Dean grumbled. He wanted to throttle Cas and ask why he left. Tell him this would have been easier if he'd stayed with Dean. They had things to help ease the change if they caught it soon enough, but now wasn't the time for that discussion. “You could have killed yourself taking too many of those,” Dean said tiredly as he helped Cas sip some water instead.

“I thought being a were would...I don't know what I thought,” Cas admitted tiredly. His teeth were still gritted against the pain when Dean wasn't coaxing water down his throat.

“You haven't transformed yet. Yeah, you won't OD, but you can weaken yourself, and you can't afford to be weak right now,” Dean said as he ran his fingers through Cas' hair. “God, you scared the shit out of me,” Dean groaned as he threw the empty bottle against the wall, leaving a small dent.

Cas grunted, and Dean wanted to punch him in the shoulder, knowing exactly what that grunt meant. Dean wasn't feeling anything compared to what Cas was. “Try to rest while you can. I'll be here if you need anything, and maybe even your cat will come out of the bathroom if you promise not to throw him across the bed again,” Dean said with a soft laugh.

“His name is Balthazar,” Cas said with a small huff as though Dean should have known that and referred to him properly. At least, Cas was still an odd duck; that much had not changed.

“Just try to rest, alright?” Dean said as he carried the towels to the bathroom and drenched them again. He could feel Cas' eyes following him. Cas didn't even protest when Dean wrung the wet material out over his body.

Dean didn't fool himself. He knew Cas wouldn't stay calm and coherent into the night. He'd be gnashing his teeth and ready to tear anything that moved limb from limb before it was over. Dean knew the bloodlust well, and it had taken years to quiet in himself. He wished he could kiss Cas through it, that tenderness was enough, but werewolves were not naturally tender.

Dean was right, unfortunately. As the gibbous moon reached its zenith, Cas was rabid. His elongated teeth gnashed at Dean whenever he drew too close. Dean had locked Balthazar in the bathroom for fear Cas would eat the tiny creature without knowing what he was doing.

His hips had found their new position and he was mobile enough to chase Dean around the small space. His lips were drawn back as his body tried to form his snout, and his veins bulged under the surface of his skin.

There was no recognition in his eyes as he swiped his claws across Dean's chest. There was only unquenchable anger. Dean couldn't fight back. He wouldn't risk hurting Cas when he was in the middle of the transformation. He dodged another swipe and vaulted over the kitchen island as Cas crashed into it.

It didn't slow Cas down for long. He lunged for Dean as soon as he scrambled to his feet again. Dean used the tea kettle Ellen had bought him to deflect another blow, and he watched as the force of Castiel's hit tore the kettle from the handle and sent it smashing into the wall.

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean shouted as he threw the useless handle away and jumped away from Cas again. Cas made to follow, but he fell to the ground with a cry as his back arched in agony.

Dean wanted to go to him. He wanted to hold him, to help him in any way he could. However, Cas wasn't Cas right then, and Dean was pretty sure he might lose a limb if he let Cas get a good swipe in.

“Cas, you need to calm down. Listen to me. I'm not going to hurt you. You've got to fight the rage. I can't help you if you're out of your mind,” Dean said as Cas dug his claws into the floorboards and howled in pain. “Cas, you can understand me if you try. I need you to hear me,” Dean pleaded as he crouched just out of Cas' reach.

Cas quieted for a moment. His whole body relaxed, and his claws released the wooden flooring. The fight seemed to go out of him, and he looked up at Dean through glassy, tired eyes.

Dean sighed in relief. “I'm here, Cas. You're safe. It's gonna be—”

Cas lunged at him, and as he dove for Dean's throat with jaws open wide, Dean watched as he transformed completely for the first time. Bloody dark brown fur, icy eyes, and sharp teeth launched at Dean.

Dean twisted to grab Cas' body and shifted as they tangled together. Cas was a big wolf, but Dean was still bigger, and for now, stronger. Cas was still wild and trying to tear into Dean's neck at every opportunity, but Dean pinned him down, only to be thrown off of Cas.

They rounded on each other, breath coming in hot puffs, teeth bared. Dean had fought many wolves over territory, dominance, chases, anything really. However, he didn't fight family, and that was what Cas was.

Cas made the first attack, once again choosing to go for Dean's neck, but Dean was very skilled at keeping it protected. Instead, he felt Cas' teeth sink into his flank. Dean shook Cas off and chased him back onto the bedding.

Cas growled and leaped for Dean again, but Dean wrestled him to the mattress resting his dropping weight on Cas' back. Cas tried to crane his neck to bite Dean, but Dean quickly clamped his jaw around the back of Cas' neck with just enough pressure to threaten.

Cas thrashed beneath him, unwilling to be dominated and still thirsting to spill blood. Dean eased his jaw, because he thought Cas might hurt himself, but Cas used the opening to throw Dean off and wrestle Dean onto his back.

He tore open Dean's shoulder with a vicious bite, and Dean struggled for an escape, but Cas was unpredictable and too dangerous to try to overpower.

Cas looked down at Dean with vacant eyes as blood dripped from his teeth. Dean forced himself to relax to will away the fear permeating the room. He broke every instinct he had and bared his neck to Cas, a last sign of trust and surrender.

Castiel snarled, but as he leaned closer he froze. He sniffed the air, then he sniffed Dean's exposed throat. He whined.

Dean felt Cas' full weight crash down on his chest, and Cas nose pressed into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Dean didn't move. He let Cas sniff him, scent the whole room if he needed to. His mind eased as Cas began to lap at the open wound on his shoulder. It would likely scar, but Dean wasn't worried about that. He was more concerned with the sad airy huffs Cas made as he tried to clean the wound, as though his licks could erase the damage.

Dean finally moved. He nudged Cas with his nose and nipped his ear gently when Cas refused to stop his fussing. Cas turned his head to glare at Dean for the nip, but Dean began to lick the blood off his snout immediately. Cas growled softly, but it wasn't aggressive, just put upon.

He let Dean out from under him once he had cleaned each of Dean's wounds thoroughly. Dean butted his head against Cas' flank once he was on his feet, and he showed Cas to the nest of bedding he'd made, but it was soaked from the towels and Cas' sweat and blood.

Dean shifted back. So many shifts in one day had Dean barely able to stay on his feet, but he pushed himself through since he was the only one to take care of Cas' needs. Cas still needed to feel safe. His body, though in wolf form, would still be exhausted, and he wouldn't rest until he felt safe. So, Dean would build them another nest.

Cas was silent as he watched Dean strip the bed and toss the tattered and disgusting bedding to the corner of the room. Dean opened the bathroom door to get more sheets and blankets out of the closet, but Balthazar darted out and straight for Cas.

Dean tried to grab the cat, but it dodged him. “Shit, no! He'll eat you...and blame me,” Dean yelled as the cat skidded to a halt in front of the massive wolf. Cas looked down at the tiny cat and cocked his head at it. Dean cringed as Cas bent his head to Balthazar, but he was completely surprised when Cas gave the cat a sloppy lick that pushed half its fur the wrong way instead of eating Balth in one bite.

Dean grumbled and went into the bathroom. When he came out, Cas was curled around Balthazar on the stripped mattress. “I need to make that,” Dean said, but Cas just laid there breathing heavily from exhaustion. Balthazar eyed him, and Dean was fairly certain the cat looked smug.

“Asshole cat,” Dean grumbled as he threw the blankets and sheets on top of Cas. He leaned against the wall just watching the pair for a while. Cas was too tired to keep his eyes open. Exhaustion must have hit him as soon as the adrenaline from the change dissipated. It was a good sign though. He felt safe.

He was a beautiful wolf. His fur, much like his human hair, seemed to have a mind of its own, sticking up in different directions. He was a sturdy would but still lean. He was smaller than Dean, but Dean knew he'd be strong, possibly stronger than Dean himself once he recovered. He was also gentle. He'd overcome the rage of the change faster than any wolf Dean had ever seen. Now that the wildness of the transformation had eased, Cas was docile and careful as he shifted around Balthazar, protecting him.

Dean sighed as he knelt on the bed and ran his fingers through Cas' thick fur. Cas slowly lifted his head to look at Dean with apologetic eyes, but Dean shook his head before pressing his forehead to Cas'. Cas let him, and both of their breathing slowed. Dean shifted right there, never moving away from Cas, and he sat with his head pressed to Cas'.

It was the first peace either had felt in nearly a month.

 


End file.
